If we want to experience our lives as purpose-full, we better have goals.
I love writing goals for myself, especially on the cusp of a new month (week or year) after a good night’s sleep and a cup of coffee when everything in life feels oh so possible. However, sometimes my goal-achievement hit-rate is pretty paltry and discouraging, which prompts me to wonder about the value of setting goals in the first place.
The truth is that we don’t fall backwards into purpose in life. Having a sense of purpose involves intentionally moving towards self-defined aims. McKnight and Kashdan propose that our sense of purpose inspires our goals, which then guide the use of our finite resources (like time, money, effort). When aligned with our sense of purpose, goal pursuit and/or goal attainment become “self-sustaining sources of meaning” (p. 242). But the other truth is that we do not entirely control whether we meet our goals. Life happens. People land in the hospital or have a new diagnosis to manage. You get close to nine inches of snow in April. And so how do I frame goals that mobilize rather than shame me?
Here is what I’m trying these days.
- Choosing my word. I like the word aspiration or aim better than the word goal. Technically, a goal should be specific, measurable, realistic, and have a completion deadline. These criteria make sense when running a business but they connote a level of stringency and inflexibility that, for me, does not appreciate life’s fast moves or serendipity. Intentions, aspirations, or aims provide sufficient direction without the rigidity that the word goal connotes for me. What word works for you?
- Reconnecting with what I really want in life before thinking about specific goals or intentions. This might mean dusting off my Purpose Statement or Plan (we develop these in the Compass Course). Sometimes I activate my imagination by quickly describing what my daily life looks like a year from now, if everything goes exactly as I hope, which of course it won’t but it’s the place to start. This exercise helps me frame where I aim to go and who I aim to be.
- Focusing on a few. Based on the above, I like to do a goal (or aim)-dump where I write down a rapid-fire list of possible quarterly aspirations that align with my aspired direction or destination. Then I select the 3-5 (ok, or 7) that matter most and let the rest go for the time being.
- Deciding on a metric. I’m trying to set realistic targets to get credit for progress over perfection. Wouldn’t achieving 50% of our goals (or aims) be good enough to represent solid progress?
- Acting on the obvious next step. Typically, I cannot envision exactly how a significant aspiration will play out but almost always, I know the next logical step to take in that direction. Writing down my next steps once a week and then acting on at least some of them make me feel like I’m moving forward without getting overwhelmed or ahead of myself. These steps represent purpose choices in daily life – the holy milieu for living with purpose.
Purpose in life is not an “outcome” or an achievement; it’s an orientation. Living with purpose involves setting sail towards who we want to be or what we want to do with our precious lives, shifting the route as the circumstances unfold. It’s ok if we write our goals (aspirations) in pencil.
How about you? What structure helps you to move in your intended direction?
Onward!
Source:
McKnight, P. E., & Kashdan, T. B. (2009). Purpose in life as a system that creates and sustains health and well-being: An integrative, testable theory. Review of General Psychology, 13, 242–251.
Find the abstract here: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1037/a0017152