Might living with purpose really be that simple?
Purpose Person: Carmi
In the Compass Course, we propose that purpose is lived out by what we choose to do (our achievements), the experiences and relationships we choose to savor, and by the attitudes that we choose to embody in our everyday lives. These 3 sources of personal meaning are based on the work of Dr. Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist and Nazi death camp survivor. I work with someone whose everyday countenance exemplifies the latter; that is, choosing one’s attitudes. Carmi works in research administration and her daily work pertains to overseeing the development of research contracts, research billing, and various dimensions of research information technology. I’m embarrassed to admit that despite our shared attendance at weekly meetings for over 2 years, I don’t fully understand all that she does even though her work enables me to do mine (conducting research), for which I am very grateful.
As Carmi reported at a recent virtual meeting, I realized that about half of what she said was lost on me (again, due to my ignorance, not her communication abilities). However, it was her ways of being at that meeting that simply elevated my experience and likely that of others. Maybe even my day. She turns her camera on during video-conference meetings (unlike most of the rest of us), using her facial expressions to endorse and encourage others. She’s the first to offer an affirming word in the chat and does so in ways that feel warm and authentic. She demonstrates an openness to others’ ideas – without a hint of cynicism. It’s like she’s looking for ways to radiate kindness and good, even as she’s had her own share of suffering. This is how she always is at meetings.
The ways that Carmi embodies valued attitudes remind me that there are many ways to be a Purpose Person, which I define as someone whose pattern of living reflects authentic and intentional choices that move them in a Virtuous direction. I asked Carmi some questions about what motivates her to be this way – see her responses after the Source notes. Carmi exemplifies how we can be a Purpose Person by intentionally and routinely living out our strengths, values, and sources of personal meaning in the context of ordinary daily activities.
Having a well-articulated, singular “calling” is not required, which is kind of relief.
How about you? What are some simple things that you can do in daily life where you too can intentionally live out your strengths, values, or sources of personal meaning?
Onward!
Source: Frankl, V. (1984). Man’s Search for Meaning. New York: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Reflections from a Purpose Person: Carmi.
Mary: Watching you navigate in daily life, I notice a consistent pattern in ways that you use your presence to affirm and encourage others. Do you engage this way intentionally or do you simply have a sunny, affirming personality?
Carmi: Thank you, Mary. Humbled and honored that you are calling me out in this way. I’ve never actually thought of myself as “sunny” or “affirming”. I’m an introvert (check all the boxes) so I do have to put intention into how I interact with others. I believe that we can affect the energy of those around us and how we show up in the world affects our own energy and that of the world. I guess I try to bring what I can in the form of positivity or maybe just a smile to try to bring good energy to a meeting, an interaction or even my own personal time.
Mary: What is your fundamental motivation for being this way? I guess I’m wondering, why are you like this? Can you name what motivates you?
Carmi: As you described my meeting habits, I will respond to what motivates me to turn my camera on or to offer notes in a chat session, etc. One of my core beliefs is that we advance ourselves and each other through relationship. We do better and optimally in our work when we take the time to foster relationship and trust. One way I see that I can do this is by turning a camera on in remote meetings. Non-verbal communication being 80% of how we communicate (or something close to that). Having trusting relationships in personal and work life is very important to my well-being.
Going one level deeper, I feel personally satisfied if I feel I am contributing with my best self. When I am bringing my authentic self forward, bad hair day or blemishes included. This helps with trust building, but also allows me to face my own fears. And in doing so, I give myself permission to be more authentic daily. Each time I show up as myself, even when fearful of judgment or my own insecurities, the fear loses its grip. Finding and becoming my true self offers freedom. Who wouldn’t want that?
Mary: If this is intentional, what, if anything, helps you act on that intention in daily life? For example, do you have any practices that help you do so?
Carmi: I have to preface that I don’t always feel positive and some days I can only bring so much positivity. That is ok. I’ve become better about setting boundaries to avoid feeling depleted. As an introvert, I need alone time to recharge. So, at work, for example, if I have more than five or so meetings in a single day I will feel very tired the rest of my evening. I try my best to manage my calendar. I find I can show up better if I have time between meetings to “reset”. Therefore, when I schedule meetings, I schedule the start time at 5 min after hour and end at 5 min before. Even if I get 5 minutes before the next interaction begins, this is a small thing that helps. I also hope it might help others. As an introvert with a strong “thinking” personality, I also need time to prep; to write or plan. I continue to get better at blocking calendar time for my thinking/prep/writing time. All of these things help me to show up better for my teams and colleagues and the work I do.
Yes, I do meditate and like many, I fall out of practice until I realize that I do better when I am consistent about it. Setting this time aside each morning requires me to prioritize this above other things.
All of these intentional practices and prioritization of time ensures that the person we are is the most important and deserves the most care.
If we feel strong and cared for, we are allowed to truly show up wholly for others and for this world. By strong and cared for, I mean, our minds are clear and not tired or filled with anxiety and our bodies have had movement and good nutrition, both of which take time and energy. And finally, we feel safe to have our hearts open (or at least a bit open in the workplace, LOL). All of this requires us to be warriors of our time and energy, safeguarding for this most important person - THE most important person – Us! For we only get one of us to life this life and so why not make it a good one for our whole self?
So, you’ve gotten a bit of my core belief system which when peeled back, I guess, is how or why we all operate. Thanks for these questions, Mary. Truly appreciative of your work to promote finding purpose for ourselves in our daily life.
Mary: You’ve shared some really profound ideas, Carmi. Thank you for your generosity and example.